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Poly/Dating Boundaries; Guy Ideals - The Autobiography of Russell
Life from a different perspective
zimzat
zimzat
Poly/Dating Boundaries; Guy Ideals

I'm at Einstein Brothers having a wrap, mocha, and some fruit while catching up on some feeds. I'm charging my phone from the netbook at the same time as the phone is tethering the netbook wirelessly.

At the moment I'm reading through recent entries on The Polyamorous Misanthrope. One of them talks about defining boundaries and what boundaries truely are. They aren't "You can't" but "I won't", as they're only about you. So I'm taking one of her examples and attempting to write some of my own. While I'm at it, though, I'm also going to write down some of my general desires and ideals out of guys that I want.

My Poly/Dating Boundaries:

  • “I choose not to remain in relationships with arbitrary rule changes”
  • I will not date someone who has veto power over anything I do, nor will I veto them.
  • I will not date someone who does not understand that No means No means No, not try again later or do it anyway.
  • I will not date someone who tries to rush me (not necessarily as the same thing as going fast, but confirms intentions).
  • I won't date someone who tries to push their opinions or beliefs on me.

My Dating Wants:

  • I want to date someone who will call me out if I'm wrong.
  • Likes being touchy-feely, but not necessarily sexual.
  • Is open about intentions and isn't afraid to suggest ideas.

PS: The nervous mood is because I'm being chicken about approaching one of the people who work here to ask them out. Maybe I should start living by more of my own guy ideals, like the one about having open intentions.

Current Mood: nervous nervous
Current Music: Cafe radio and background noise

4 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
scixual From: scixual Date: January 10th, 2010 03:45 am (UTC) (Link)
No means no, but if it also means "no and not ever, don't ask again," you should be sure to specify that. My own no almost always means "no right now."
zimzat From: zimzat Date: January 10th, 2010 03:52 pm (UTC) (Link)
That's quite true. I guess it depends on context. Asking if I smoke or want a cigarette is always a "no" but it also means "never". Then again when talking about sex acts it might be "no" and usually may mean "not right now, maybe some other time". The one time I had someone be so insistent on wanting to do something I explicitly specified "Never" or "not within this millennium" (which wasn't respected, which is where that boundary comes from most vividly).
legolastn From: legolastn Date: January 10th, 2010 08:38 pm (UTC) (Link)
Sounds like a good list. :)
kupcakeaz From: kupcakeaz Date: January 11th, 2010 02:12 am (UTC) (Link)
ASK HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4 comments or Leave a comment