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As all things begin, so do all things end - The Autobiography of Russell
Life from a different perspective
zimzat
zimzat
As all things begin, so do all things end
It's official, Brian and I are no longer in a relationship. I wanted to talk to him about something that happened recently, which triggered way more and eventually led to the mutual agreement that this wasn't going to work. Where we'll go from here is still up in the air, but we may be just friends, or we may disassociate entirely. *shrugs*

There were a number of issues, misunderstandings, miscommunication, and a lack of time or energy (which was one of the problems) to deal with them appropriately. We've made a few attempts at addressing them, and it was working for a while, but things starting sliding back again and made more difficult by the distance, his job, soon to be my job, and also soon to be various classes for both of us. We could have kept trying to bull through the problems, or ignore them, but it wasn't making both us happy.

One of the things I had originally wanted to talk about was how several times when we've agreed to play games online something would come up and he wouldn't show (or say anything) until well after, leaving me hanging. It happened several times and very recently so I wanted to see if he was willing to make up for it. His response was that he doesn't like how when he asks if I want to play games after work that he's then obligated to follow through or otherwise say he's not available. I, for one, was surprised by that attitude. I have the complete opposite attitude, where if I say something then I mean it and will try my best to follow through with it; I can even remember too vividly the times I haven't, too.

I'm not angry or depressed. I'm just "okay".

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Current Mood: okay okay

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Comments
legolastn From: legolastn Date: November 28th, 2012 10:07 pm (UTC) (Link)
That is kind of weird. I think if I were not sure I was going to set aside the time I wouldn't ever say, "Would you like to play games after work?" I would say something like, "I was thinking about playing games after work, do you want me to phone/text/IM you if I decide I'm up for it (or ...if I have time, if I decide to, etc) to see if you're available?" To ask someone if they want to do something with you and then not follow through or at least let them know that you've made other plans is hard to read as anything other than (a) being hugely disrespectful of other people's time or (b) being actively hostile to any sort of responsibility and/or planning. I guess it could be framed positively as reflective of a genuine (if subconscious) "live in the moment" philosophy, but I'm not sure how that can be successful relationship-wise unless any people you know aren't ever doing anything of significance. I guess the "tell" here would be how a person reacts when they themselves are "stood up."
zimzat From: zimzat Date: November 29th, 2012 01:28 am (UTC) (Link)
The assumption so far is that it's a representation of a "live in the moment" mentality or just a lack of the realization that doing what you say you'll do is important even in situations outside of work or with writeen agreements. In the most recent incident he simply "fell asleep while eating" immediately after work. The last two occurrences, though, he either overbooked or promised something that was obvious to even me that he was highly unlikely to fulfill (e.g. get up by 9am the day after his last work week day, when he normally doesn't get up until noon or later).

*shrug* Whatever.
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