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The Autobiography of Russell
Life from a different perspective
zimzat
I feel like writing something and I'm not sure what so I'll just do a bit of stream of consciousness.

I'm at a crossroads with my dating/romantic life. After my last relationship I realized that a number of things were more important to me than previously thought so I reset my criteria and questions to focus primarily on the things that matter the most to me. This includes things like honesty, integrity, equality, sexual desire, logic/reason, non-monogamous, gaming, and so forth. I then reset my match search filters similarly.

The results of these changes were somewhat depressing. To relate I'll share the most recent data points. From where I am now there are only about a dozen people within a 100 mile radius that have a 70% or higher match rating. Of these I find less than half physically attractive. Half of those are quickly eliminated for various reasons in their profile that the questions haven't or can't match against (e.g. anti-technology / singular interest in outdoor activities). To put that into perspective the geographical area includes the third ranking US city by population of Chicago with 2.7 million people and less than half a dozen potential matches.

I think it's safe to say I'm an outlier in the dating pool.

I've adjusted my search criteria to include people anywhere in the world, which returns a decent selection, but very few people are interested in responding to someone half way across the country. Adjusting to include monogamous individuals results in an explosion of potential relatively high ranking matches.

This leads me back to my crossroads: where do I go from here. Do I adjust my compatibility to include potential for a monogamous relationship? Do I keep things like they are and just wait to see if anything ever materializes? Or do I set it all aside and forget about ever dating again?

If I'm feeling desperate then adjusting compatibility at least increases chances but still doesn't guarantee anything and feels like I may be lying to myself or others. I could just let things sit the way they are and see if anything develops in the future or in another location when moving but this increases the chance of getting jaded about things and still results in shifting through lots of cruft contacts. Setting everything aside and forgetting all possibilities of dating seems like the most productive option, but in terms of social and human interaction it's the least desirable.

I'm still on the fence between the first and last options.

It's not the only avenue to get social interaction, though it may be the best avenue to get physical contact (outside of sex, which in itself doesn't interest me).

I need a cat. That would give some closure to the notion of physical non-sexual contact. Then a close relationship wouldn't be as high of a personal need. I need to move somewhere I can have a cat.

If it means keeping my integrity then I'm okay being single. I find myself a little sad coming to that conclusion but I don't think I could accept anything less.
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zimzat
I haven't posted in far too long. *looks at calendar, performs calculation* Umm, 65 days since my last public entry. Wow.

In the last two months I moved out of my place in Washington and am currently staying with a friend in the far suburbs of Chicago. I wanted to move away from Seattle, and that did happen, though not quite in the circumstances or to where I did.

Backstory: A couple months agoCollapse )

One of the interesting things about being where I am now is that it feels almost idealistic. As I sit here in the Starbucks cafe of the nearby Target I can watch people come and go from the store. I see couples, parent(s) and children, singles, friends, teens, and all sorts coming and going. Most of them don't look close to perfect in one sense or another, but most look like they're content or carrying on. I can almost forget about all the problems in the world, and with myself, while sitting here. Almost.

I've been here for three weeks now. It's nice, but I don't see myself staying here for longer than I have to. I'm ready to set back out on my own again. I want a job, I want my own social activities, I want warmer climate, and I might even want a car again.

After the new year I'll be scouring the job listings again and sending my resume to companies that look intriguing. I don't have a specific area to target, though there are a few I'm generally avoiding for cost or climate reasons (e.g. anywhere in California for the cost) though some place like Boston, which I've heard the job culture could be very inclined toward what I'm looking for, is still a possibility. I'm also going to put some effort toward identifying gaming companies that might have use of my abilities.
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zimzat
It only took 671 days (that's over 22 months) to do it, but I have finally watched Men In Black 3 on DVD and will be sending it back to Netflix. Now I can finally get around to rewatching the first five movies of Harry Potter before seeing the last two or three for the first time.
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zimzat
When someone on the street gives change to a homeless person for nothing more than being asked "Spare change?" it does harm to everyone involved.

How did the person get to a situation where they need handouts? Were they fiscally irresponsible? Have they learned from their mistake and won't repeat it? Are they spending it on food and shelter, or mostly drugs (alcohol, cigarettes, weed, cocaine, whatever)? These are all questions it takes more than a quick conversation or transfer of money to determine and fix.

The person giving the money gets the illusion of an absolution for their consciousness thinking they've done good and don't need to take a more active role. In the end all they've done is prolonged the current state of the one they've given money to and set back any efforts that were under way to rehabilitate them.

Am I advocating we let the homeless stay homeless or that we start a campaign of genocide against homeless? No, not at all. Just don't enable the problem. Recognize that you're not qualified to assist them directly and give your money to organizations that commit their effort to sheltering the homeless or rehabilitating those in need.

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zimzat

I recently got asked what I'm doing and the answer is ... nothing. Quite literally, absolutely nothing.

In some ways it's quite nice. There is no expectation to run off somewhere and do something. I don't have any upcoming events. Almost no one is asking me to do anything. At this point in time I could do... Almost anything.

On the other hand I still need to pay bills and my savings won't last forever. In fact they'll only last about 3 more months. I'm already ready to get the ball rolling on moving out of my current place.

I still don't know exactly what I want to do, but I do have some idea of what direction to go. For the short term I'm going to update my resume and start looking for freelance or contract work; I'm open to the idea of full term permanent work but I'm unsure if that's likely at this point. My mid term goal is to start game development by completing various tutorials, classes, and creating even simple projects like tic-tac-toe or card games. My long term goal is to find a position or task which helps me further the advancement of humanity or technology in a way that focuses on doing the right thing and pushing the boundaries.

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zimzat
Upon returning home on Wednesday night, after being away for two weeks, one thing I felt was a mental disconnect with the apartment. I recognized the layout, but stuff felt disassociated. When I went into the kitchen for water it took me a moment to remember where the glasses were. I had a similar vibe about numerous other things as I went about unpacking and during my morning 'routine'.

I'm not sure if this is indicative of the general thought process I've been going through, from being away for so long, or just from going to so many other places while I was away. It does make me continue to wonder if it's time to get up and move again. Actually, I already know it is but being unsure where to go and still having over two months left on the lease makes it a little more difficult to just get up and move. In the mean time I still have things to get rid of in preparation for downsizing and looking for a job.
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zimzat
  • I haven't trimmed my beard in two weeks. It's starting to show. o.o
  • Or clipped my nails. Ouch, they're getting long and sharp.
  • I also haven't masturbated in almost as long. Haven't even felt like it until the last couple of days.
  • I've deactivated my Facebook account. The negative impact far outweighed the positive, even after reducing the number of people on it to less than 20.
  • I don't check twitter anymore. Sorry. The medium is insufficient for adequate communication.
  • The entire realm of 'social media' is dead to me. Media is not why I'm using it; social is, and very little is actually social about it anymore.
  • I'm still uncertain what I want to do about the future but I'll be back on the hunt for a job again in about a week.
  • I've removed location restrictions on match searches on OkCupid. The distance doesn't matter if I don't know where I want to live anyway.
  • I'll be doing similar to my job search as well. There are places I don't want to move that I'll weed out as I look around.
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zimzat

In a couple of hours I'll be disconnecting my phone from the network until next Sunday at ~9am. Until then this will be my last post with pictures of the cabin and deck view out the rear of the ship. Enjoy, and until next time Take care!

See the pictures...Collapse )


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zimzat
It's been a busy last few days or even week. I'm keeping some track where the time is going and how things are going but definitely looking forward to time where I'll be able to do practically nothing for a few days.

Tuesday was preparation, packing, and overnight flight and connection to Philadelphia.
Wednesday was flight arrival, hotel check-in, shower, Duck tour, US Mint tour, another shower, and an evening date.
Thursday was hotel check-out, Double Decker tour, transiting to north Pennsylvania, sitting on a porch, and walking in the rain.
Friday was walking around north Kutztown University, down and back up Kutztown Main Street, and lounging around the house.
Saturday was transiting back to Philadelphia, a lunch date on the Drexel University campus, Amtrak to Baltimore, and dinner with the cruise group.
Tomorrow ... early to the cruise in the morning and then off the grid for the next 6.5 days.

I'm looking forward to not having to worry about much of anything for those days. I've been thinking about my plans for the future, talking with legolastn about some of those things, and determining what I want.

I've learned a few things by touring Kutztown for its college town atmosphere and rural location. I like the mini-community atmosphere but I strongly disliked the lack of technology connection (poor or no phone signal) and the distance to anything nearby with a lack of transit to get anywhere on my own. If I were to go this route I would want it to be closer to a major city such as on a Regional Rail line.

I took the MAPP Career Assessment in the hope of getting a better idea of what careers I might alternate towards. A number of the categories it reported on leaned towards areas I know I wouldn't be interested in, such as physical labor involving construction or repetitive tasks like factory work. There wasn't much insight into things I hadn't already given some thought to. But, in order to get the list of specific careers I would be best matched to I would have to shell out about 80-100$. Overall it doesn't seem to be terribly beneficial but I haven't ruled it out yet either.

For the rest of tonight I'm going to see about vegging with a game and getting to bed at a semi-reasonable hour. The rest is up in the air depending on whatever I feel like for the next few days.

Current Mood: tired tired

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zimzat
In less than five days I'll be traveling again. It feels like it has been ages.

First stop is Philadelphia and surrounding area of Pennsylvania (20th through 24th). I was once thinking about moving there, and there is at least one nearby college town I want to check out, so it seems like a good place to check out. I don't have any specific sights in mind but figure I'll check out some tourist websites or see if there are any tour buses I can ride around. That's always been a good choice on exploring a new city in the past.

The second stop is Baltimore where I'll catch a seven day cruise to the Eastern Caribbean (24th through 31st). There will be three days at sea and three stops for Grand Turk, Half Moon Cay, and Freeport before returning to Baltimore. I've glanced at the excursion activities and so far I'd like to pick one for kayaking, snorkeling, and possibly horseback riding. There will also be plenty of beach time at one of the ports.

Last stop before returning to Seattle will be a couple of days in DC (1st through 3rd). I don't have anything specific in mind at this point (any of my DC friends want to do lunch/dinner?) though I might just grab a tour bus here again as well. I've done it before and think it would be nice to do again.

Once I return I'll look into a trip to Vancouver to visit Wreck Beach again. It's been on my to-do list since I went last year.

Past that? Dunno. Maybe work, maybe Hawaii. I have enough miles to cover a round trip to another continental state or most of a round trip to Hawaii. I think I'll do an international trip for summer next year.
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