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The Autobiography of Russell
Life from a different perspective
I'm so ticked right now. At everyone.
I'm so ticked right now. At everyone. Even people I don't know.

I watch people talking, so obliviously. It's as if they don't care about anything. I watch them in their happy lives. They have so many things yet they complain about not having enough. I see them having deep connections with those around them, in ways I have none. I want to be happy. I want to actually feel connected with someone. It doesn't have to be on a bf/bf level but that does seem to be the only level I could possibly find it. I'm jealous of other people.

It hurts. It really does.

And then my brother is coming down today, and soon enough he'll know about my problems. I don't like showing my problems. I seem to be the only one who shows their problems and I feel so weak because of it.

:-( *on the brink of tears* (which, in case you don't know, is so very rare for me)

Current Mood: broken up
Current Music: none

8 comments or Leave a comment
shadesfox From: shadesfox Date: November 19th, 2003 11:34 am (UTC) (Link)
zimzat From: zimzat Date: November 19th, 2003 12:23 pm (UTC) (Link)
cloudfett From: cloudfett Date: November 19th, 2003 03:44 pm (UTC) (Link)

Forgive me..

I know I'm going to get crap for writing this....but it needs to be said..

Get over it. Yea, simple as that. You're pissed off at everyone...for having people and being happy...um, ok. You do that. You're upset because you don't have connections with people? I will tell you the same thing I told Chris...go out and meet people! Don't expect people to come to you...Jesus Christ man! I spent my whole JR. High being miserable and alone...then I got some sense knocked into me...How about I talk to people...how about I let people know I exist!

If you're hurt...do something about it....talk to people....

*sigh* go ahead...I grant you permission to bash me...
mrtrblmkr1 From: mrtrblmkr1 Date: November 19th, 2003 05:44 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Forgive me..

*licks you for telling truth*

Yea, he's right, but I too go through the same.
It's horrible having to see such all around you
but there is something you can do about it, and it's
called friends, not the current ones you have, but
new ones, ones you can bring into you life, and don't
just accept anyone, put them through a process, see if
they're cut for your expectations (which can't be ridiculously
high now!). You might be surprised as to how you've changed
your life, if such an extreme happens. :D GL! ^_^
scixual From: scixual Date: November 19th, 2003 08:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hang in there. You're not as different as you fear.
zimzat From: zimzat Date: November 23rd, 2003 06:29 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks. I will.
rockinivy From: rockinivy Date: November 22nd, 2003 04:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
im soo sorry... but i know how you feel... ive been there.. and it hurts like hell... so i hope evrything turns for the better, and sooner or later [hope that is sooner though] you find somebody that loves you and makes you feel happy.. and i know that youll be ok. You are stronger than you think. *hugs*
zimzat From: zimzat Date: November 23rd, 2003 06:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
:-) Thanks. I'll hang in there as long as it takes, I suppose. Hopefully not too long, though.
8 comments or Leave a comment