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The Autobiography of Russell
Life from a different perspective
zimzat
zimzat
Those pattern(s)
To elaborate on that last entry better: The connection between them all is they're all hook ups that didn't work out for one reason or another. I've gone ahead and listed why below.


Tim lives only a few miles from here. He's a cool kid, but seems to sabatoge his own efforts by going after people who obviously couldn't give a flying F for him. I tried to start something with him soon after we met but things didn't go smoothly and we ended up stop talking for almost a year. We started talking again recently and again I tried to start something up with him by asking him out on a date. He declined, on the basis that we're not eachother's types and he only wants me as a friend.

Nicholas is a short case to be told. I've considered him cute when I saw him at the library. Mentioned him to someone else and I was told he is gay, although deeply closeted and not likely to start anything. When I started college this semester it turned out he was in my history class, which made it harder to pass him off. Eventually one night as we left class I asked him if he is gay and he shook his head no, firmly closing the book despite what other sources told me.

Kyle (aka black_basilisk) is a interesting case, especially since it's a ongoing case. He lives in Michigan and I met him online one summer night when he randomly IMed me, all hyper and stuff. We "hit it off" in views while chatting and decided to be bf/bf. We sooner after had a bit of an argument however we never called off the relationship. We still talk from time to time, when he has time off from his busy college schedule.

Robert is a case of not having a case. The reason we haven't tried hooking up is because he doesn't want to get involved with someone long distance who he has never seen. We talk off and on each night still but no evident romantic interest.

Travis is a good kid, he just needs to work things out for himself. We met, but only during a time when we were broke up. Nice, eh? We broke up after he thought it would be wrong by the bible and church to be gay. As of late, we've spoken only once. He seems to be living life more off the computer but is no longer denying what he feels. (in other words, he's gay)

Greg (aka theselfundone) was the ideal dependant. Constantly needing reassured he wasn't fat ugly but refused to stop hanging out with the people who lowered his self-esteem. He lived about fifty miles from here so we never met. He broke up with me, but I don't remember why or how anymore. Bleh

Casey is the only person I regret breaking up with. We talked and went out for about two months before I thought I didn't love him and broke up with him. On retrospective sight, I realize I was merely confused by what I felt and do care for him. The bad ending to this story is that he now has a boyfriend of many months and they've already started creating a life of their own. He's also changed a lot due to that relationship.

Scott... my closest friend of all time. There will never be another like him. I tried to hook up with him however he goes for the ladies over the guys. We'll just leave it at that. *sigh* I miss him. We haven't talked in like a year. He lives in Texas with his mom and step-dad now.

Fernando (aka mrtrblmkr1) was the first person I ever started a relationship with after realizing I'm gay. He is a few years younger then I am. We had some good times together. Near the end of our relationship, things were strained due to the distance between us and not being able to get closer. We mutually decided to go our separate ways and haven't spoke much since.


About half way through the list I got tired of writing about failed relationships. So if things seem less complete after that, sorry.

Current Mood: disappointed disappointed
Current Music: "Where is the Love" by Black Eyed Peas / "Be Mine" by David Gray

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Comments
scixual From: scixual Date: November 29th, 2003 10:33 pm (UTC) (Link)
Aw, I liked my answer better.
zimzat From: zimzat Date: November 30th, 2003 08:11 am (UTC) (Link)
Life would be so much easier if everything could be figured out simply with a numeric pattern or method. Yeah.

(If everything could be accurately translated into values I think everything could be worked out with a mathimatical formula)
scixual From: scixual Date: November 30th, 2003 08:15 am (UTC) (Link)
There are those that try -- and many who swear by the practice.
mrtrblmkr1 From: mrtrblmkr1 Date: November 30th, 2003 11:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
ok, that soooooo needs to be fixed... we like so talk
and like soooooooooo don't truly have to go our seperate
ways in such a serious! hehe

But really, i never wanted to say this before but the only
reason i broke up with you (u w/me, i forget)was because i
was brainwashed by my so called parents, their so called
religion(s), and the misunderstanding and communication with
general society. During the end of our relationship, i had
become, bluntly, a whore, thinking that gays weren't real,
i was confused, needing to be fixed(this is were cutting began,
suicide began waaay before). I started dating girls through out
the year after our break up and with my last girl and now best
friend, she helped me realized and see the light.

you can say i'm for the better now, and i'm completely opening/dying
for a relationship now, i've dprived myself of one for sooooo long.
zimzat From: zimzat Date: December 1st, 2003 11:44 am (UTC) (Link)
We don't talk often. Like, once every two weeks to a month, if that.

I figured that was what happened, but I also knew there was nothing I could do to stop it, not from this distance anyway. It would've had to have been a close personal relationship for me to help you any there, sadly.

I'm glad you're back on track with your life and I wish you much good luck. You've changed a lot over the years, and I'm not sure we'd be able to make it work again now. Even if we wanted to try again, there'd have to be less distance to get anywhere. =|
mrtrblmkr1 From: mrtrblmkr1 Date: December 1st, 2003 08:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wow, hearing that from you now is uplifting, I've
ust been reharrased by my parents, the f^%&s...
I hate them so much, but when 18 or 19 comes,
I shall be gone, hopefully move to another state.

But thank you, I am redirecting my life accordingly
and am trying to make the best of it. Besides that, i
would love to rebeing a communcation relationship
between us, you could never have too manh friends!
zimzat From: zimzat Date: December 1st, 2003 08:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
umm, are you drunk? o.O

Well, if you get on AIM/MSN/Y!M/etc more often we could talk more often. And when you do, IM me cause there's no telling if I'll check to see if you're on.

Take care.
mrtrblmkr1 From: mrtrblmkr1 Date: December 1st, 2003 08:51 pm (UTC) (Link)
*downloads aim*
zimzat From: zimzat Date: December 1st, 2003 08:23 pm (UTC) (Link)
err, I must be drunk. It makes much more sense after reading it two or three times. sorry
mrtrblmkr1 From: mrtrblmkr1 Date: December 1st, 2003 08:50 pm (UTC) (Link)
lmao, i understand... so i see someone was partying?
zimzat From: zimzat Date: December 1st, 2003 09:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
I wish. Would've been a better activity then fighting with Robert over a simple visit. =\ so much for that.
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