Russell (zimzat) wrote,

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Alright already! I'll go ahead and scribe some misc thoughts I had while at the hotel in Orlando.

My life officially sucks, Horribly. There is joy at the moment of humor and laughter and the next I feel nothing of it. I don't know what I feel anymore besides my lonely heart. It is like I don't even exist in reality. I can sense reality and I know it is there but for some reason I don't feel a part of it. It is like I am somehow detached from life. Like I am here yet not here. I yearn for the improbable and ask for the unlikely. I feel jealous of those that have relationships and it pains me to watch them enjoy themselves. As all the cute, and sometimes hot, boys cross my path I look at them and feel my yearning to share what little life I have with one as my attachment to reality lessens. Someday, maybe someday it will all fall in place for me but right now it is all falling apart, for me alone it seems. If I can't have him the least I can ask for is for him to have someone he likes.

One word: Beach.... If you have no idea what that means to me after reading my last journal entry you should be shot. Really. Gah! Worst part is if I were to meet someone I couldn't do anything. No, not like that. I mean, what kind of relation could I have with someone who lines in Florida? or even further!? Blah. I think I'm just going to opt out if I can. ... Call me whatever you want but I've already gone through more than enough to break my mind. Too much more and I might just do something stupid. Really.

I'm not sure which is worse: the disappointed sound of my brother's voice when I opted out of everything today or the depressing loneliness I feel. GAH! Well, at least people have school tomorrow morning. Perhaps I'll try going then just to make him happy. oh nice... Now when/if he reads this he is going to feel... ugh, I dunno and right now I care too much.

Just another day in my stinkin' life.

Well, went to Disney's Animal Kingdom today. It was a major let down for the most part. Not that many cuties, hey it's Monday I guess, and the only two good rides we didn't even go on until last! Well, one wasn't a ride but it wasn't bad. The "It's tough to be a bug" show wasn't bad, along with some cool effects, and the Dinosaur ride was neat. That or I was getting fed up with all the baloney bull. ^_~

That's it folks. All that I wrote over the last few days while I didn't have computer access. I would've written something on the plane rides but I ran out of led ages ago and never got anymore of my type. sowwy.
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