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The Autobiography of Russell
Life from a different perspective
The pain of being a dependent independent
I'm a little less frustrated and depressed than I was last night, but still generally irked at things.


I can't seem to express my feelings the way I feel them. The frustration of dealing with a family that thinks only the conformed way is the way that works. I look for support to live life how I want to and all I find is pressure to conform to one way or another.

People, family included, say I should become a independent adult. When I make "independent" decisions all I seem to get is a conformed view on things.

Priorities? College isn't anywhere high on that list. Jonathan (that's my brother) said after I read all the programming jobs that require a bachelor in science that I would be a lot more prioritized toward getting it.... well, I'm not. It's more like I'm discouraged because I have to go through years of mostly useless training in areas I'm not interested in and will likely ever use. I want to get involved NOW, not in three years.

In my life I'm a free spirit kind of thing. Free lance. Rogue. Something untamed of higher intelligence.

Or maybe I'm caged and just so blinded with stupidity that I don't see it. Maybe I'm the one that's wrong in all this. It's certainly possible that conforming is the only way to live.

But hearing all these "self-help" people that didn't conform and are better off for it. Yeah, that's real encouraging.

Oh, one last thing. My parents, specifically dad, just tried to get me to accept jesus as my savior. I so don't feel like going over this again with him, so would someone mind giving me a concise reason as to why I'm not?

Current Mood: crushed crushed
Current Music: "Why We Said Goodbye" by Tim McGraw - "Reflection" by Christina Aguilera

3 comments or Leave a comment
shadesfox From: shadesfox Date: February 17th, 2004 08:49 am (UTC) (Link)
As for the schooling thing, its unfortunately nessicary, its the peice of paper that gets you in the door (and if you belive in this schools theory that is all you nee -_-;;). If you really wanted to you could probably make Linux kernel patches and see if you can't get the attention of the OSDL. Doubtful but you can try.

And as for the consice reason, even if its the best ideal in the world, trying to shove it down your throat doesn't help his case.
scixual From: scixual Date: February 17th, 2004 02:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
"Some are called, Dad, and some are not. And each who is called is called in God's own time. I am not currently called, but thank you for your concern."

I can give verses for that if necessary.
zimzat From: zimzat Date: February 17th, 2004 02:54 pm (UTC) (Link)


Wow... Perfect.

Thanks. If I need the verse then I'll let you know. :)
3 comments or Leave a comment