Russell (zimzat) wrote,

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The past and nostalgic memories

It's probably about 11:00 PM by now. I'm laying stretched out in the twin-size air bed. This is supposed to be a vacation for me but it feels more like procrastination. I'm being very nostalgic right now. For example, I remember laying next to Casey for what seemed like half an hour, not saying much, until finally I made something of a move. I remember cuddling with him that night. Even staying cuddled for hours while he slept and my arm was asleep. I also remember the next morning when Casey and myself ate breakfast with Esther. Yeah... I miss that feeling. I want it back. I want to feel the touch of another, that gentle embrace. I would do just about anything to have it again.

Memory is a funny thin. I remember much about my life. Somethings I wish I didn't, but most that remind me of things I have lost over the years. I remember that Sunday morning only a few years ago that my dad beat my sister and how it ended. I also remember hanging out with my friends in middle school or Scott when I was in grade school. Those were the days. I don't regret my innocence but nor do I want it back. Being oblivious is not an answer to problems or issues.

So by now you may be asking, "Why don't you just get back with him?" Ya know, that's a very good question. One of the reasons I haven't been trying to get with him is cause I'm not real sure we'd be able to. Casey is a very materialistic person and I'm not. He is also very motivated by his physical appearance (such as he wants to get his back, etc hairs removed by laser, and more)

. . . *blink blink*

*Whap Whap Whap* Argh, I am such an idiot. Why do I keep looking at this form the same angle. There's absolutely nothing wrong with what he wants. I shouldn't be fretting that is a possible rift between us but more like just a aspect of him. I guess... I was just being... something. :-x

Casey, if you ever read this, I'm Sorry.

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