March 17th, 2012

Working on the computer, Working

Intriguing yet troubling insights into personal behavior: Eating, motivation & focus, and spending

Over the last few days I've discovered some intriguing yet troublesome things about myself.

When stressed (even if self-generated) and procrastinating, while trying to force myself not to do anything other than what I'm supposed to be doing, I tend to fill my time with eating or drinking. I'm now going to limit myself to only drinking, and preferably water or tea, unless I know it's been more than a few hours since the last time I ate.

If I don't have the motivation for something then I'll find some way, any way, to procrastinate. Whether that's feel hungry so go in search of food, or open the same few sites over and over again. I'll just keep opening LiveJournal, Facebook, and GameHavoc, over and over, or I'll find some nigglingly detail to obsess over marginally related yet not really necessary. I'm now keeping an eye on myself to stop my focus from going astray any time I hit a hiccup in my mental processing. I might have to find a secondary environment to distance myself from my normal habits.

I've gone without programming anything significant for so long that I've forgotten half of what I need to do to make the most basic of actions. I'm now referring back to a few of my previous sites to remember how to handle and hoping that by the end of this one project I'll be mostly back up to speed. If this keeps up, though, I may have to find another job. heh. heheh... I'm hoping that's just a joke, cause very little else would afford me the income and flexibility that this one does. Plus, I still fondly remember falling in love with programming and the mental high I would get from working in it. I've lost some of that luster, but ... we'll see.

Lastly, due to the lack of income for a few months very recently my checking account got a little low and I had to dip into my savings a couple of times. I'm not thrilled about the state either of them are in so I've cut out many things from my normal purchasing habits and am severely limiting impulse purchases. I was thinking about a second monitor, a regular bike, and a number of other things but am very hesitant to follow through on any of them. If anything the monitor will happen because it helps programming performance but even that I'm being very cautious. This will probably continue until I can get my savings account back up to its own high, which is particularly concerning in light of the upcoming move in a few months.