December 28th, 2014

Ctrl+Alt+Del - Scott & Ted

At the crossroads of dating and physical interaction; options and alternatives

I feel like writing something and I'm not sure what so I'll just do a bit of stream of consciousness.

I'm at a crossroads with my dating/romantic life. After my last relationship I realized that a number of things were more important to me than previously thought so I reset my criteria and questions to focus primarily on the things that matter the most to me. This includes things like honesty, integrity, equality, sexual desire, logic/reason, non-monogamous, gaming, and so forth. I then reset my match search filters similarly.

The results of these changes were somewhat depressing. To relate I'll share the most recent data points. From where I am now there are only about a dozen people within a 100 mile radius that have a 70% or higher match rating. Of these I find less than half physically attractive. Half of those are quickly eliminated for various reasons in their profile that the questions haven't or can't match against (e.g. anti-technology / singular interest in outdoor activities). To put that into perspective the geographical area includes the third ranking US city by population of Chicago with 2.7 million people and less than half a dozen potential matches.

I think it's safe to say I'm an outlier in the dating pool.

I've adjusted my search criteria to include people anywhere in the world, which returns a decent selection, but very few people are interested in responding to someone half way across the country. Adjusting to include monogamous individuals results in an explosion of potential relatively high ranking matches.

This leads me back to my crossroads: where do I go from here. Do I adjust my compatibility to include potential for a monogamous relationship? Do I keep things like they are and just wait to see if anything ever materializes? Or do I set it all aside and forget about ever dating again?

If I'm feeling desperate then adjusting compatibility at least increases chances but still doesn't guarantee anything and feels like I may be lying to myself or others. I could just let things sit the way they are and see if anything develops in the future or in another location when moving but this increases the chance of getting jaded about things and still results in shifting through lots of cruft contacts. Setting everything aside and forgetting all possibilities of dating seems like the most productive option, but in terms of social and human interaction it's the least desirable.

I'm still on the fence between the first and last options.

It's not the only avenue to get social interaction, though it may be the best avenue to get physical contact (outside of sex, which in itself doesn't interest me).

I need a cat. That would give some closure to the notion of physical non-sexual contact. Then a close relationship wouldn't be as high of a personal need. I need to move somewhere I can have a cat.

If it means keeping my integrity then I'm okay being single. I find myself a little sad coming to that conclusion but I don't think I could accept anything less.