Russell (zimzat) wrote,
Russell
zimzat

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[Mind Control] This doesn't exist.

Just... ignore me.

I think I'm going to be depressed for a bit. Or whatever you call this. I'm bored.

No one has updated on livejournal since before noon (over 5 hours ago). I don't feel like playing Golden Sun right now, or any other game really. Lately I only feel like gaming if someone is watching. (Showing off?)

I have tons of work to do. The eBay possibility seems less and less like it's going to pan out for anything I'd be interested in doing with it. Sure, I could 'bull' it all and sell whatever, but everything I've looked up so far looks like a total waste of money. The Nintendo and five games will probably only sell for $50, total (sad, considering what was paid for them originally), and there's only one nintendo to sell so it's only going to be a one-time deal. I'm almost tempted to sell my GameCube and Animal Crossing... it sits at Le's house never being played. If worst comes to worst, I probably will, cause I know I'll at least get what I paid for it back. (~$70)

Money. I hate it. I also hate life. I'm really not cut out for it. If they still had servants or slaves then that might work, but alas they don't.

I mean, I sit around all day wasting my time getting nothing accomplished. Sure, I do lots of things, but nothing gets done to show for it. Nothing. I forgot the work I did for a online version of Mille Bornes, and I really don't want to recreate it, so now it's just going to sit there, unfinished.

I like doing things for other people. That's about the only time I get anything done. When I see a need and I try to fill it. Problem is, it's rarely ever appreciated the way I ment it, and quite often it goes unnoticed, disregarded, or ignored, like it's common place.

Total screw up for wanting attention for every little thing. I can't do anything without needing the constant approval of someone to feel like I'm doing the right thing.

I know I should care about not having a job, and about getting one, but I just don't. It seems so hopeless. I am hopeless.

Oh my gosh. oh my gosh. oh my gosh. frick. . frick. I haven't gotten this close to crying, as in watering, in a long time. Come on Russell, shape up before someone notices (wait, isn't that what you always wanted?) and thinks you're a basket case. Before they stop ... stop wanting me.

It's all about being wanted, isn't it? You can't just be, can you? Yes. No. Yes. Shut up for ... ugh.

You're going to rot your teeth out for eating so much chocolate.

Ya know what it is? The more you're wanted and the less you can justify being wanted, the more depressed you get.

I'm going to get fat from eating so much junk food. Yeah, once you get fat people don't like you as much. And you eat more, and consume more resources, thus cost more money. People don't like things costing money.

ok, I'm feel better now. Well, not actively depressed. I think all the chocolate finally kicked in. And the milk. I'm going to find something to do. Maybe I'll play The Sims and make myself get a job. At least you don't have to go through several dozen job applications just to get a job there. Bunch of bull.
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