Russell (zimzat) wrote,

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An apology for the last few days

I would like to apologize to everyone for these last few days. I've said some things I shouldn't have, and made myself into a hypocrite. I expected things I shouldn't have, and for this I'm sorry.

I'm a selfish brat and, what makes it worse, I know it. I get my eye on something I don't have and want and I become ungrateful for what I do have and get.

I expected attention, and when I didn't get it I threw a fit. I wanted other people to make decisions for me, and when the decision wasn't what I wanted I threw a fit. I thought that if I couldn't have what I wanted no one else should have what they want, and when they got it anyway I threw a fit.

I seem to be good at throwing fits, but it's time I change that. Somewhere I lost sight of my logic and let my feelings take over. I could blame it on someone, but that wouldn't be fair because I shouldn't have let it happen in the first place.

My role in life isn't to feel that deep surge of emotions others do, but to be the logical and solid support others can turn to. I've been trying to resist it, to run away from it and be something else, but I lost myself and have been flailing around trying to grab to something.

Hear my resolution, world. I will keep myself grounded and centered. I will not be depressed again. I will make my own decisions, and I won't regret them whatever the outcome may be.

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