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The Autobiography of Russell
Life from a different perspective
zimzat
zimzat
*sigh*
This is my journal and I'm going to rant. It may also be a public forum but it's still my journal and I'm going to write in it like such. If you don't like what I write or think, too bad. I still have the right to free speech and I'm using it.

I'm bored. I'm tired. I'm frustrated (x2+). Not a good combination.

I need a change, an accomplishment, a breakthrough, someone to talk to. Unconditionally.

I'm not like you people. I don't want to hang out at a bar. I don't want to drink. I don't want to go dancing. I don't want to be left alone all the time. I don't want just any near-minimum wage job. I don't want to sit behind a school desk for four more years.

I want to do something I'm good at and I'll be appreciated for doing, by at least one person who knows what I'm doing. I want to play on my computer and get my hands dirty learning and creating new things. I want to live comfortably without having people trying to send me on guilt trips.

And people say I don't know what I want or don't want. To only do something when you want to do it is selfish, and to say you won't do something if you don't actively want to do it is bull.

I feel like being depressed. I pretty much am depressed.

Current Mood: tired tired
Current Music: "What Happens Tomorrow" by Duran Duran (long over)

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Comments
scixual From: scixual Date: June 4th, 2005 05:58 am (UTC) (Link)
"I'm not like you people. I don't want to hang out at a bar. I don't want to drink. I don't want to go dancing. I don't want to be left alone all the time. I don't want just any near-minimum wage job. I don't want to sit behind a school desk for four more years....[etc]"

Sounds like you're EXACTLY like "us people."
zimzat From: zimzat Date: June 4th, 2005 01:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
How does that make me like "us people"?
scixual From: scixual Date: June 4th, 2005 03:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
People in general, I mean. With the exception of going out to bars, you're pretty much describing humanity in general.
zimzat From: zimzat Date: June 4th, 2005 04:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
Most people I can think of go to bars, dance, drink, curse, etc. Most people try to pressure me into doing what they want, whether it's going to a club, drinking, getting a tatoo, cursing, etc.

They tell me "Oh, but you don't know what it's like until you try it" or "You should give it a try" or, like they know exactly how I'll be in thirty years, "You'll do it eventually." I know enough that I don't want to try it.

I don't think there is such a thing as "humanity in general" because everyone has their kinks whether they let people know what they are or not. The phrase "humanity in general" sounds like what we paint other people to be.

*sigh*
scixual From: scixual Date: June 4th, 2005 07:04 pm (UTC) (Link)
Are you trying really hard or does it come naturally to defend your depression and isolation when someone suggests it isn't yours alone?

Look, I wasn't talking about drinking and bars.

The following things you listed as what makes you "not like you peopple" are, in fact, very much a part of being human:

I'm bored.
I'm tired.
I'm frustrated.
I need a change, an accomplishment, a breakthrough, someone to talk to.
I don't want to be left alone all the time.
I don't want just any near-minimum wage job.
I don't want to sit behind a school desk for four more years.
I want to do something I'm good at and I'll be appreciated for doing, by at least one person who knows what I'm doing.
I want to play (on my computer) and get my hands dirty learning and creating new things.
I want to live comfortably without having people trying to send me on guilt trips.
zimzat From: zimzat Date: June 5th, 2005 04:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
Most of the time it comes naturally. If I want to feel one-of-a-kind/unique I don't like having similarities pointed out.

But you're right. I am part of larger group of humanity. I am a human even if sometimes I feel like I can't relate to anyone on the level I want to.

*acknowledges your point*
From: inamicus Date: June 4th, 2005 06:13 am (UTC) (Link)

dirty

my hands are dirty...but i was playing in the dirt.

I've seen what you've done; my impression is, you can do most anything you set your mind to. At least you aren't restricted by a diminished capacity...imagine how that must feel...or not feel (since ignorance is bliss)

you need more diverse interpersonal stimulation. i dont have any recommendation for that--its hard to find unique people.

zimzat From: zimzat Date: June 4th, 2005 01:42 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: dirty

Err, Do I know you? Or you know me? o.O I'm curious how or where if I do / should.

my hands are dirty...but i was playing in the dirt.
The, err, huh? What does that have to do with anything? o.O

I've seen what you've done; my impression is, you can do most anything you set your mind to. At least you aren't restricted by a diminished capacity...imagine how that must feel...or not feel (since ignorance is bliss)
Yes, I understand. *nods appreciatively for the words of encouragement*

you need more diverse interpersonal stimulation. i dont have any recommendation for that--its hard to find unique people.
I agree.

What's with the picture? O.o
From: inamicus Date: June 5th, 2005 02:15 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: dirty

nah you don't know me. I was searching for a friend i once knew and ran across you--he was referenced in your journal years ago...amazing the things google can find. that was the first time i posted; and when i read ure post yesterday about getting ure hands dirty, i looked down at mine and thought it was funny =)
zimzat From: zimzat Date: June 6th, 2005 04:20 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: dirty

Oh, hmm... I'm curious who it was that brought you here. I can think of a few people off hand. Since you said "years ago" and you have velouria_cuomo as a friend I'm leaning toward dante_sensei aka dolor_verum_est aka Kyle.

(PS: Nice hands. They remind me of mine, but then maybe that's because they're 'just' hands.)
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