Russell (zimzat) wrote,

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A lengthy update about me

It seems that in a lot of places I look people are going in directions I don't want to go. Some people I would consider friends are taking up views I don't agree with or rebuking views I do agree with. I feel like I'm going to have to get a whole new set of friends to talk to and hang out with at this rate. I'm already feeling majorly deprived of... something.

My guarenteed job wasn't really guarenteed at all. The department I was supposed to be in already filled all the positions they needed. None of the other departments ever called to say they were interested in me. After dealing with them for a few months its very obvious I'm not suited to work for them.

I could've let it slip right by, and almost did, until a couple of things brought it up. A thread in GameHavoc's forum asked how old I am and my sister asked what I wanted. I even got a card in the mail from my other sister, a full month early. My birthday is about half a month away now, and it promises to be the same drag it is every year. I just want it to go away because it's just another day of the year which everyone makes a big deal out of but nothing ever happens.

About two or three weeks ago I finally wrote a resume for myself. I was keeping it a secret so it would be a surprise if I could get a job (before Le and I broke up). swanhart's job was looking for some PHP & MySQL knowledgable people and, after talking with him a little, I figured there was a remote chance. I made a one page resume and sent it in but haven't heard anything back. I doubted I would but if I had I would've had to move to california. My brother also took my resume to his job and they said they don't have any positions open but contract work might be a possiblity.

My sister has asked me to do her a favor and consider going to college this fall. If I did she would get more funding and I would probably be funded as well. There are some programming concept classes at a college about thirty minutes from here I would consider taking if I went back to college. I'm thinking that if nothing else pans out I'll go ahead with this.

My brother & sister's real estate investments are starting to take off. It's nice to see their business working but I know I won't see anything from it. It's not like I've put any work into it so I can get something out of it. I'm constantly waiting to be told to leave. I probably should have left a long time ago because it's the right thing to do, even I if I don't have anywhere else to go. It's interesting that I'm willing to let my life just slip away rather than try to salvage it. Makes you wonder what happened to that natural survival instinct all humans have.

When my sister asked what I wanted for my birthday I knew it would be useless to ask for anything. Most things I actually want cost a lot of money that I know no one around here really has enough of. I'd like a wide-screen (17') laptop with a seperate numpad and decent video card ($1700). Barring that, I'd also like a better video card ($100+) so I can play games like ROSE online or get decent performance in MapleStory. My usual wish for a boyfriend is void, null, and invalid (Not that that could really be a birthday present). Anything else I don't really care for or want.

I mowed the lawn a couple of days ago. Thing is, I forgot one little spot where the swing is. I'm supposed to get $25 for mowing the lawn but my brother hasn't given it to me and I don't want to ask for it. If I ask for it he may think I'm being pushy or that he already lets me stay here so why should he pay for something when I don't pay him for staying here. I get all wound up over it.

I feel so tight that I'm waiting for everything to fall apart.

Later I'll have a meme someone nominated me to do, and some more insight into other things.

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