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The Autobiography of Russell
Life from a different perspective
Sex: What it means to me.
"Oh yeah, I was going to have a breakthrough today. I should get around to that."

It's time for a realization and to come to terms with that realization. Something that'll change the way I am and how others view me. Let's get on with it then, shall we.

My view on sex has changed over the years and now I need to take one more leap. As it stands, I don't like my view on sex, and for the most part I don't even know what my view is. The first goal is to define my view on sex, then.

I can't say I don't care about sex because that would just be a lie. I like to have sex because it's an enjoyable activity. I don't think of sex as a sacred life-commitment activity because sex doesn't have an attachment with any one person to me. It's just an activity and most of the time a rather enjoyable one. At the same time, though, I don't want to have casual sex with random people. I want to be more intimately involved with the person I'm having sex with. This doesn't necessarily mean being in a relationship but I want to know I can at least trust them and know it's something they want as well.

I do have expectations of sex. I like anal sex and there's no way around that, only alternative ways to that end or alternative activities around it. I can accept waiting for it and/or doing other things, but I'll always want it. To me, anal sex is the big thing because that's where I get my thrills.

I do want to have a relationship with someone, but my desire isn't defined by just one person or wishy-washy between many people, only the want. I don't deal in love and that's just the way I am. If I'm with someone then that's who I'm with and I don't consider further than that, but that doesn't mean I explicitly want just that person. I want to share my life with someone and as long as they want to share their life with me then I'm satisfied. I don't want any of this bull of "you live your life, I'll live mine, and we'll meet up in bed (sex optional)."

In essence, I don't do attachments and I don't do love. For the most part I do what I want and what feels right, and this is how it feels right. This may change over time, or it may always be like this. I may also be doing this just to cut myself short or discourage people from wanting me. For now this is how I see things.

(I think a key to all of this is that I don't want to cheat the person I'm with or having sex with into thinking it's all that to me. That's the best way I can think of describing it right now)

Current Mood: complacent complacent
Current Music: "I Need A Hero" by Jennifer Saunders and "Unwell" by Matchbo

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