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The Autobiography of Russell
Life from a different perspective
Too many thoughts for my own good
  • For some reason the quality of the MPlayer video encoder codec that I had been using has gone through the floor. For some reason it has a lot of very large JPEG artifacts in it. I need to fix that or find an alternate codec soon.
  • I find it rather amusing and ironic that OkCupid says the best match for me is my ex, iceraver. He hasn't exactly updated that profile in like a year. We also haven't spoken in that amount of time too. He doesn't post to his journal much these days from what I can see; well, if he does he does it friends-only. People that post all of their entries as friends-only annoy me. It's hard to get to know someone when they do that, but that's neither here nor there.
  • I'm in a very bad/depressive mood this evening. I have been since I got back from The Java Cafe this afternoon around 4 or 5. I'll be honest about it too; I am lonely. I wish I had someone I could just talk to in-person and pass the time with. Someone I can connect with on a different level than just my siblings. A close friend, an intimate partner, or even a lover. But no, not today, and probably not ever here.
  • Around four or five the door bell rang. Three or four kids were standing outside in various costumes holding their plastic pumpkin containers. We don't have any candy so I had to tell them sorry and turn off the porch light. I meant to turn it off earlier today but completely forgot. I felt really horrible after that.
  • I've decided that coffee probably isn't a good habit to get into at this point. Knowing how I drink soda (typically a two litter bottle in a day a couple of days a week) it probably would only be something nearly as bad. It's also an expensive habit to get into, and right now finances are very tight for me.
  • Some people don't know how to handle change. Some people don't know how to handle death. It is a very big shock to those people when they have to deal with them, yet those are things that are ingrained into life itself and there is no way to get around them. They can be ignored or resisted for a time, but no one can stop them from happening. I just wish we would teach our children that there is nothing wrong with change or death, and not to fear them when they do happen. Maybe then there wouldn't be so much trauma and scars in life.
  • Yesterday I was just thinking about calling the people I ordered a laptop carry case from since I hadn't heard back from them or gotten the exchange I wanted. Today the new laptop case came in so I packed my laptop up in that when I went to The Java Cafe. It's a really neat case with lots of pockets (maybe too many? heh).
  • In the gay community sex is overrated. In the religious community sex is underrated. In the straight community sex is just biased.
  • About a week or two ago The Java Cafe was hiring for three positions they had open. My sister told me about it so I went down there and filled out an application. Yesterday I went over with my laptop to do some work and to ask about the status of the applications again (I had called last Wednesday and they said they would be reviewing them and calling people in for interviews over the next few days). Well, it turns out they've already interviewed and hired everyone they needed so all that was left was to call back the rest of the applicants and tell them the positions have been filled already. The manager said he wanted to be honest with me and that one of the three people they hired was personally recommended by the owner and one of the others by another employee (or something like that). So in reality they only had one position open after it was all said and done.
  • My brother has recommended I try the temp agencies so tomorrow I'll go do that. The last time I tried them one said I didn't have enough prior real-world work experience (they wanted at least six months at a previous job) and the other just never called me back. I do hope this time will have better results.
  • I don't think I'll ever hear anyone use the phrase "Wow, I had no idea you had so much on your mind" to me. I think most people think it's quite the opposite; something along the lines of "You should have thought about it". Such is life.
More some other time.

Current Mood: depressed depressed
Current Music: None

8 comments or Leave a comment
sisyphus238 From: sisyphus238 Date: November 1st, 2006 04:24 am (UTC) (Link)
I know it's no consolation, and there's nothing I can really say except that I just read all of that. It's good to have a place to write stuff down though; a place other people can see so that you know, as pointless as it may be, that other people are aware of you.
zimzat From: zimzat Date: November 1st, 2006 04:27 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks, I appreciate it.
zimzat From: zimzat Date: November 1st, 2006 05:22 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm pretty sure I posted this comment already, but for some reason it's not showing up so I'm going to post it again. I apologize if you get it twice.

Thanks, I appreciate it.
sisyphus238 From: sisyphus238 Date: November 1st, 2006 05:29 am (UTC) (Link)
You can post it as often as you like (and yes, it posted the first time). I trhink I may have done similar things at times when I have several tabs open.
zimzat From: zimzat Date: November 1st, 2006 06:26 am (UTC) (Link)
I think LiveJournal was having some trouble keeping their database servers synchronized. After it redirected me back to the entry to show the first comment I posted, it showed the comment and said "2 Comments". When I came back later it said 1 comment so I left another one. When it redirected back to the comment page it only showed your comment but said "3 Comments". When I viewed the entry on my friends page it said "1 Comment". After you left your reply (this comment) it said "3 Comments" on the friends page. When I clicked the entry it said "4 Comments" and showed all four comments. I'm going to leave it as a fluke of a system change or something.

Anyway. >.>
sisyphus238 From: sisyphus238 Date: November 1st, 2006 07:14 am (UTC) (Link)
It's halloween, maybe they're doing it on purpose.
zimzat From: zimzat Date: November 1st, 2006 01:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
Eh, I dunno, and at this point I don't really care. I'm very quickly becoming very apathetic about life in general.
irish_n_sac From: irish_n_sac Date: November 1st, 2006 03:17 pm (UTC) (Link)

Big huggs...

I know how you feel on the whole "Lonely feeling" it kinda hits you hard once in a while but I've been noticing how it's been coming up more often..

1) ooking into the temp thing would be good especially if your looking to move (my vote Calif.) in the near future. This way you can cover a wide choice of jobs.

2)I know it can suck but I use to hire people that my employees had refereed or at least look at them first. I guess for me I trust my friends and they know me so it would be easier to hire someone like that ..and plus it was comic shops. but sometimes there can be problems if the person doesn't work out to be trust worthy I never came across that.

3)Gay sex Good , religious sex Bad, straight sex just ewwww...

4)Change is hard for allot of people to stomach. The majority of people get so use to they way things are, and are sometimes so afraid of failure that change seems virtually impossible. "wish we would teach our children that there is nothing wrong with change or death" I agree..

5)That same thing happened last night . My door bell rang and there were 4 kids at the door I also forgot to turn off the light. I didn't have any candy but I felt so bad that I left the light on I gave them each a $1 oh well it was nice and quite the rest of the night ( lonely but ok)

I just wanted ta say I like the way your open about what your thinking and it's a good thing to vent once in a while . I agree that LJ is a great forum to express these things.. and plus you get to know your friends better...:0)
Thanks for being a Friend....
8 comments or Leave a comment