Russell (zimzat) wrote,

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Horrible Rant

*sigh* I really gotta rant.

And so, yeah, things with Greg didn't work out. I should've realized they wouldn't from the beginning. The boy has no self-esteem at all. None what-so-ever. Notta. Nothing. Yep, he puts himself down all the time and won't take a hint of goodness from others. I tried to show him what he was doing by doing it as well but... that's where he broke up with me. I knew the risk when I did it.

Also, I'm really sad right now. I'm lonely and hurting. I want someone to love and hold me... BACK OFF MOM! Don't even think about it. The same goes for the rest of my immediate family.

My sister is a total butt-hole. Anything she does Has to spite our parents. If it helps them in any way she won't even consider doing it. BAH! IDIOTS, THE LOT OF THEM!

I know the game guild leader means well but... I'm just not taking it that way. I'm seriously taking offense to being told I'm unable to do something when I know I can do it. It would just take a lot more time than I'm willing to devote to it right now.

*sigh* Which also brings me around to the guild website. I haven't done squat with it as far as turning it into something automated and PHP enabled goes... whcih really sucks cause it makes it look like I can't do anything. It might as well be I can't do anything... :-(

I really want to get to level 40 in DragonRaja... I know it's because I feel inadequete and I think I'll be able to atone for that by getting a high up position but.... *sigh* as much as I feel that way, I doubt it will. For that matter, I doubt I'll get it. Wizard is already lvl 38 and I'm only 26 or 27 (I forget) Not only that but we need 60 more rare Red Signets to create a permanent guild. They're moaning how they don't think they can get that many in 20 days, how long a temporary (50 blue) guild lasts, and they fear they won't be able to use the same guild name if it expires on them. I really think they are underestimating their power in the guild.

But then again, that's all I really am.... many thoughts and nothing more. I really gotta say it... Who would possibly want me?

I know people would want me for passing sex cause I'm so small but... dang it, I don't want sex. I want companionship. Is that really so hard to understand mom? For another male to hold me and to love me despite what I might do bad on a daily bases?

Oh, hanging up on people has become my strong suit. I've been hanging up on my oldest sister (although I've stopped recently), on my other sister, and on an old church going lady. Also the equivalant of hanging up to people online as well.

She did did apoligize for that though, so I've 'unhung up'.
You win. I read the conversation log. Again, you win.

My conclusion....the kid has has no self esteem.
Therefore, that would lead him to say the stuff he said about you just to make himself feel better...even if he didnt know it was true....

But, I think, now, that you deserve better.

Sorry for being such a bitch!

So, yeah, I gave out our conversation. If you really cared Greg you wouldn't be so freakin' depressing.

Meh... I'm spent now. Guess I'll go drone on in DragonRaja now
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