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The Autobiography of Russell
Life from a different perspective
zimzat
zimzat
People and their commitments
What is it with people who want an exclusive commitment, or the equivalent in terms of "I love you!", by the second date?

I have never gone out with someone and gone, "Oh my gosh! You're my soul mate!". Yes, things did tend to move that quickly, but there was no "If you don't commit to me then you don't like me."

Gah!

On a related note, is it not possible to commit without committing exclusively? It's not like I'm going anywhere, and if something comes up that I have an issue with then I'm going to talk about it; not run away. Well, that is, provided I'm given the chance to talk about it first.

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Current Mood: annoyed annoyed
Current Music: "Stay" by Mynt

6 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
ellixis From: ellixis Date: May 6th, 2007 10:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
I suspect that's a sign of an issue or bad experience on their part, not a sign that they think you-personally are going to run off.
zimzat From: zimzat Date: May 6th, 2007 10:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
What makes that so frustrating, other than that I become the focus of their issue or bad experience, is that there's nothing I can really do about it, except wait for them to work through it.
ellixis From: ellixis Date: May 7th, 2007 12:26 am (UTC) (Link)
True. It sucks. Sorry.
(Deleted comment)
zimzat From: zimzat Date: May 6th, 2007 10:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
It's best to stay away from that sort of people.

Which makes them stay attention/affection-deprived. What's left for them then? Considering that I could very easily (if I don't already) fall under that category, what are they supposed to do about it?
(Deleted comment)
zimzat From: zimzat Date: May 6th, 2007 11:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
That's a long school of hard knocks to go through with, I suspect, a questionable graduation rate, but if that's the case then I suppose there's nothing else for it. And since most introverts tend to fall into that category, and I don't really care for extroverts... oye.

Yep. Oh well. I'll get over it.
foucaultonacid From: foucaultonacid Date: May 7th, 2007 07:02 am (UTC) (Link)
this is my story here - when i first am beginning a relationship with someone i always make clear that I don't fuck others at the same time. it's partly about energy, it's partly about respect, and it's about centreing myself - relationships are confusing enough without multipe orgams in differing locations.

for me, if someone wants to have other partners, well i'm not going to stop them but i'm going to be much more... cautious about my involvement with them. and of course this is alls omething that needs to be talked about ASAP - when first... well, after, if it happens this way, after its gone from a one night stand to something more. up front knowledge helps two people decide.

he may not be looking for someone who isn't willing to be exclusive. and that's ok. what you get tot hink about is why you're not looking to be exclusive - do you have valid reasons to not keep your chlong behind closed doors or are you just scared of being off the market. what would it mean not to have sex with anyone else for a few weeks and would you then down the track be able to make up yr mind about how that felt and what it meant, rather than being just a prediction at this stage?

i'm not taking his side.... just saying that from my side I now am very carreful not to sleep with someone who i know wants to sleep with others because of the problematics... it's one of those tick the boxes things. it doessn't mean he's right and you're wrong or vice versa - it's a matter of priorities for you and him.
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