?

Log in

No account? Create an account
entries friends calendar profile It's Me Previous Previous Next Next
The Autobiography of Russell
Life from a different perspective
zimzat
zimzat
Loneliness
Last night I had a 'bad' dream. I woke up with a feeling of a presence in the bed next to me. I wanted to reach over, cuddle up, and go back to bed, but there was no one there. Then came the emotional crash as I realized my bed was empty except for me. I went to bed to get away from that feeling; not wake up to repeat it. Oh well.

In other news stuff has been happening in my life. Some exciting, some exciting at first, and eventually all mundane.

I met a guy, sort of. We went on several dates over several weeks. We had a pretty good time. Then there were was the period he ignored me, and finally the email of 'we shouldn't see each other anymore'. We haven't talked in over a week and a half now. To be honest, though, in the beginning I knew that's where it would probably end. His private profile said 'Straight' after all, and some of the things we talked about made it seem like he didn't have the guts to stick with it. I just hoped that he would rise above that.

I know a guy, sort of. We've been talking on OkCupid for nearly a dozen messages combined. A couple of nights ago I IMed him, and yesterday we spent almost all evening talking. Everything has been purely platonic; not a hint of sex has entered the conversation. I did ask him if he wanted to get a bite to eat last night but he already had plans for dinner with his family. He also already has plans to go to college in Oregon. I suppose this is where I learn to be a friend and stop trying to turn most every relation into something more than just friends (even if only for a few months).

Writing in my journal has become like every other activity in my life. I write two or three paragraphs and my concentration is gone. Usually I just close the window and forget what I started to write. Sometimes I save it in the draft folder in the hope that I'll come back to it later (there are probably a dozen or two partial entries in there by now). Occasionally I actually get fairly complete thoughts and post it anyway, like now.

Current Mood: disappointed disappointed
Current Music: "Sweeter Than Beauty" by DJ Encore

Leave a comment