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The Autobiography of Russell
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zimzat
zimzat
Asking a guy out: protocol?
Let's say you're by yourself having lunch at the bar of a restaurant (no wait time and quicker service). One of the other waiters catch your eye. Is it ok to hit on them (ask them out)?

I asked the female bartender that question and she said generally not. She may have thought I was referring to her, or maybe not.

My first concern is that I don't even know if the person is gay. At this point I'm willing to risk a no, getting punched, or maybe even beat up.

My second concern would be impeding their work performance by interrupting them outside of a customer relation. I don't want to take up too much of their time while they're on the clock. I definitely wouldn't want them getting reprimanded or fired because I stopped them from working. That may be something I'll just have to risk if I do, though.

If hitting on a waiter (yours or another) isn't acceptable, how would you go about meeting guys? When is it acceptable it hit on a guy if not at their job? Clubs are already out as I can't hold a conversation when I can't even hear myself. Would you randomly stop some guy at the store, a fellow shopper, and ask them out?

Your thoughts?

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Comments
ellixis From: ellixis Date: July 11th, 2008 03:05 am (UTC) (Link)
Hitting on a person during their work hours is not okay, regardless of gender. Asking if you could talk to them after work would probably be acceptable, though.

Asking an attractive stranger on a low-pressure date such as coffee or something isn't too bad, if you can manage it.
zimzat From: zimzat Date: July 11th, 2008 03:21 am (UTC) (Link)
Agreed. I understand anything heavy during work hours would definitely be too much. When I say 'hit on' I mostly mean just asking them out ('low-pressure date'). I'm not familiar with words used to describe the date and pre-date mechanics so I'm probably saying it wrong. Some people have used the words "hit on" to mean physically, and then two sentences later use it to mean flirting. I then use it just to mean asking someone out and everyone thinks I'm trying to get in every guy's pants. o.o
ellixis From: ellixis Date: July 11th, 2008 04:07 am (UTC) (Link)
Asking for a date or a phone number during work hours is usually not real cool either, from my experience and what I've read.
zimzat From: zimzat Date: July 11th, 2008 04:17 am (UTC) (Link)
Pretty much 'no' then. I guess it was just me that wouldn't have minded if someone had asked me out while at work. =\

Alright. I guess that limits my options to fellow shoppers I randomly pass at the store.

Edited at 2008-07-11 04:23 am (UTC)
raist_ From: raist_ Date: July 11th, 2008 10:58 am (UTC) (Link)
I probably wouldn't flatout ask him out while he's working. Very very subtle flirting/simple conversation could be ok. Preferably if he's your waiter. If he's not.... I'd just let him work, to be honest.

I like the "Hey when you're off work" coffee idea though.
neo_prodigy From: neo_prodigy Date: July 11th, 2008 11:03 am (UTC) (Link)
I agree. Just flirt casually but still let him work. If he's game, you'll know.

And the coffee idea after work is really awesome. Put it out there that when he gets off, he has the option to......well.....get off. ;D
irish_n_sac From: irish_n_sac Date: July 11th, 2008 02:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
I worked as a waiter for 4 years and I like it when guy just act real and just acted like themselves (not booty hunting), also I really liked it when guys would leave their # with me and left it in my hands to call them or not ( just a note girls did this to)

If I see a waiter or busboy who is cute I'll drop my name and #,I've had some really great hook ups, and even got a BF for 2 yr ,
but first I always test the waters with general convo, nothing to deep, and sometimes the random flirt<---( this is best done with a friend with you ) you can usually tell by their eyes, and smile while talking to you and when walking away

This all would also depend on where you live "the side of town"

Good Luck :^)
legolastn From: legolastn Date: July 11th, 2008 07:44 pm (UTC) (Link)
I think it's OK to leave your phone # (or these days a more casual and anonymous option may be email address) for your own waiter with the check - this leaves it up to them to respond or not.

Similarly, if you're feeling brave I think it's OK to discretely ask a person working in a place you're patronizing about coffee after work as you're leaving. But discretely means that's really only so long as you don't have to go out of your way to interact with them. So, asking the person behind the counter who helped you out or rang/is ringing you up, ok; walking across the restaurant to stop a waiter as they travel to/from another table, not ok. IOW, this amounts to you having already interacted with them or being able to interact with them without it seeming unusual.

However, (again if you're feeling brave/trusting) asking a co-worker to pass along a note amounting to the same (#/email/invite to coffee) might be kosher, but that's the limit I'd say.

You probably don't want to do any of the above at a place you frequent too often, unless you're feeling confident of a positive or neutral response.

All that said, at least 80% of the people I've dated I've initiated contact with over the Internet, and the rest have been through friendship/social organization networks, and I'm a big supporter of these methods, so I'm probably not the best person to be asking for advice about contact with more randomy in-person folks. :)
zimzat From: zimzat Date: July 21st, 2008 03:28 am (UTC) (Link)
I don't have much hope in internet dating anymore. I've been trying via OkCupid but have had no positive responses. I don't bother with MySpace anymore because there are simply too many to go through and almost all of them have a certain mass-produced element to their personality. I haven't touched gay.com and similar sites since they went pay-to-message. I'm reluctant to branch out to any other dating sites that may be just a fad and/or only contain a subset of 'the usuals' that already have a profile on the other mainstream dating sites.

I don't have many social connections, and especially not onces who know many gay guys. That leaves my option at waiting for things on the dating sites to change (people moving to Las Vegas or remembering to update their profile) or start talking to random guys.

Thanks for the advice on politely asking guys out. I will probably be putting it to use sooner or later.
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