Russell (zimzat) wrote,

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"Why are you single?"

Why do people keep asking why I'm single? Seriously, what kind of question is that?
It's hard to answer and feels kind of pointless even when there is an answer (which is rarely straightforward).

Last night after the questionable incident with the cast member, after the performance, after wandering around the 'Coney Island' part of New York-New York, after getting back to my car, after accidentally going all the way up the parking garage to the roof... after all that, I felt like I was hit by a brick with an overwhelming feeling of being lonely. Not depressed or suicidal or horny, just lonely.

I made it home fine. I wasn't thinking about throwing myself off the parking garage, thank you very much.
The scenario had crossed my paranoid mind but there was no intent.

As for the question of "Why are you single?"?
Because I'm neutral to masculine to plain out freaky geeky and most people can't tell I'm gay?
Because most guys I'm interested in turn out to be straight?
Because most gay guys I'm interested in don't give me the time of day or try to make things work?
Because my criteria is too picky and am looking for something most people aren't open to?
Because I'm shy and don't know how to approach guys?
Because I appear needy, or desperate, or clingy, or snobbish?
Because I won't get sexual with just anyone just to have sex?
Because ... just because.

Maybe all of the above, maybe some of the above, maybe something else entirely. *shrug*
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