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Sometimes it's not about intent, it's about perception & understanding - The Autobiography of Russell
Life from a different perspective
zimzat
zimzat
Sometimes it's not about intent, it's about perception & understanding
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zimzat From: zimzat Date: July 23rd, 2012 10:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
The "I feel..." is how I've tried to model personal relationship issues, as often the source of those issues is how I feel. For business related things I try to remember to us "we" rather than "I" and avoid "you". I also try to approach things as suggestions rather than demands or statement of fact, although that has backfired on me a number of times.

If I'm not sure about my own memory, even a little, then I say "I'm not sure" or something to that effect, rather than stating it like a matter of fact. The biggest misunderstanding probably comes when someone isn't sure about something but still states it like it's fact or written in stone. I can't remember where it was I read or heard this, but someone trying to screw with your memory is one of the signs of a potentially abusive relationship, and repeatedly saying things didn't happen the way you know they happened was a sign of that. So that's got me wary on that front.

If I had any desire to keep associating with the people who had done it to me I would've responded to them what you've said last, but I don't so maybe I'm doing them a disservice by not saying it anyway, but I'd rather just cut them out.

Edited at 2012-07-23 10:55 pm (UTC)
zimzat From: zimzat Date: July 23rd, 2012 10:56 pm (UTC) (Link)
On a different note, what in the world is wrong with LJ's comment form? I'm not choosing the Apache icon, yet nothing I do is changing it from that one. Bad LJ, bad.
legolastn From: legolastn Date: July 23rd, 2012 11:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
I dunno, perhaps it's been switched out to the default or something?
legolastn From: legolastn Date: July 23rd, 2012 11:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yeah, if you are just done with the people anyways it hardly seems worth the effort.
sisyphus238 From: sisyphus238 Date: July 24th, 2012 12:21 am (UTC) (Link)
someone trying to screw with your memory is one of the signs of a potentially abusive relationship

Potentially abusive?! Unless it's a good friend in a moment of jest, I'd say that's already abuse; nothing potential about it, and definite grounds for avoidance.
zimzat From: zimzat Date: July 24th, 2012 12:27 am (UTC) (Link)
Ah, grammar and getting words and intent in the right order. :-P

I meant that to mean that if you feel like your memory is being played with then they may be abusive, but proving they are trying to do it isn't always a black or white case. It may just happen that way a time or two, but if it happens more than a few times in a short period of time then it is more-than-likely intentional or at least abusive.

Make better sense? :-)
sisyphus238 From: sisyphus238 Date: July 24th, 2012 12:54 am (UTC) (Link)
It made sense the first time. It seems like a malicious act to mess with one like that, again unless it's just a misunderstanding, but if it continually happens, someone's playing games.
zimzat From: zimzat Date: July 24th, 2012 01:05 am (UTC) (Link)
Agreed, agreed. That someone could do something like that intentionally is strange, a huge red flag, and very sad.

In reference to my example, after it happened a couple of times I told myself if that happened again it was time to call it quits, but it didn't so I never had to make good on that promise to myself. But it definitely put a strain on things.
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