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The Autobiography of Russell
Life from a different perspective
Submissive: "I'm lazy and demanding"
When someone says they're submissive, which seems especially common as of late, this is what I think: Oglaf: Submission (Warning: Any other page of the site is almost certainly NSFW!)

More often than not this attitude creeps into more than just the bed. They'll want someone else to make the decisions for them about work, life, friends, stuff, etc, and then sometimes even want to blame that person when something doesn't go the way they wanted it to. Thus why I hate the label of dominate, because I don't want that role. I truly and honestly want to be equals or fairly close to (I've had one person go flabbergasted at that notion).

PS: Hi Brian's mom & dad! In an almost awkward first-meeting conversation last night it was mentioned they've stalked my Facebook, which really just means they've stalked my LiveJournal. :-D

Current Mood: amused amused

7 comments or Leave a comment
mai_neh From: mai_neh Date: September 17th, 2012 12:32 am (UTC) (Link)
Good feedback on what to avoid when playing around with a submissive identity :-)
zimzat From: zimzat Date: September 17th, 2012 02:00 am (UTC) (Link)
It's true, and the sex just gets terribly boring very quickly when all they do is lay there and take it. In any other circumstance I'd say they were getting used, but in this one I'd say it's really the dom that's getting used.
mai_neh From: mai_neh Date: September 17th, 2012 03:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
I spoke with K last night about the substance of your criticism, and he said that the way he and I play, this isn't an issue. First, he says it isn't a "lifestyle choice" for either of us, that I am overall an ambitious and independent person who makes up my own mind about a variety of issues in my life. Second, when he is playing the Daddy role, he keeps me busy. He orders me to behave in certain ways, much of the time he's the one laying back while I'm doing the work sucking him or giving him a massage or [other pleasurable stuff]. He makes me work hard for the bits of pleasure he gives me in return. So, when I do take on the boy role, I must do so actively, I must spend a lot of effort pleasing Daddy, and if I don't do it right, he's going to spank my ass until it stays pink for days.
zimzat From: zimzat Date: September 17th, 2012 05:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
I definitely agree, from everything I've heard about you and your situation the above criticism doesn't apply. Thanks to that I know it's possible to have someone who is sub without being lazy. On the other hand I'm not looking for that kind of situation. No offense, just not my cup of tea to order someone around.

You've made a good point about the daddy role part. While that's not something I want, I wonder if that could be applied to other areas regarding lighter bondage and restraints, although not sure how to work that. Eh, one step at a time. :-P

scixual From: scixual Date: September 17th, 2012 08:15 am (UTC) (Link)
This has not been my experience with self-identified submissives at all.

I have noticed that there is a lot of regional variation in kink culture, though.
zimzat From: zimzat Date: September 17th, 2012 08:23 am (UTC) (Link)
There's some crossover between submissive and bottom in this context, or at least its usage.

I've heard an eyebrow raising number of people complain about how many bottoms there are in Seattle and how there aren't enough tops, and in that context as well they really mean there are people (or are themselves) who just want someone else to do all the work when it comes to sex and the relationship.

*shrug* When someone plays dead more than twice I just move on.
legolastn From: legolastn Date: September 22nd, 2012 08:38 pm (UTC) (Link)
The Oglaf site is finally back up. I totally know what you mean.
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