Russell (zimzat) wrote,
Russell
zimzat

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The Pink/Gray/Rainbow Elephant in the room

I often feel like my sexuality is a Pink Elephant in the room that no one realizes is there.

Practically everyone just assumes I'm straight, monogamous, and want the nuclear family. They lead into topics and conversations with that assumption in mind, talking about girlfriends, children, families, and marriage. When asked if I'm married or have a girlfriend I just say "no" rather than respond with "I'm gay" or "Nor a boyfriend". All they see, if anything, is a big gray elephant. In their world view I may as well be straight because statistically speaking not very many people they meet will be gay, so to them it's a safe assumption.

There's an assumption among gay people as well. Even if they know I'm gay they assume I just like sex, that I want the nuclear family, and/or that I'm all over the latest fashion trends or drag races. Given that's the stereotype of gays it's not hard to make that assumption, but it's not accurate and it paints me in a corner. When a conversation goes along the lines of "Oh, you're gay? So what'd you think of so-and-so's dress on that latest episode of drag racing?" all I can do in response is "Huh?". Which then leads to bafflement that I'm not into the same thing they're into.

People like to make assumptions, I get it. It helps them feel more secure about their understanding of the world around them. I don't agree with it and I often have a hard time making the same assumptions when it comes to understanding jokes or relating to others. When I get home I'm going to find my triangle rainbow neck piece and get the strap fixed so I can wear it occasionally. It won't fix the majority of the gay perception, it's not a big huge flashing rainbow, but maybe it'll help adjust the bigger problem of the majority of straight perception. And it would be fun to wear to work since I'm still pretty sure none of them (other than the two I've specifically told) have a clue. Or I'll just paint myself into their corner.

Sometimes I forget how little sexuality matters when it comes to platonic relationships. I make a big deal of it because I don't assume they're straight (hope eternal, eh?), I'm trying to figure out what their sexuality is, if they're okay with mine, and if maybe, just maybe, they'll be someone who is attracted to me if I'm attracted to them. But really? It doesn't matter to conversations about computers, programming, science, books, movies, or anything except sex or relationships.
Tags: gay, sexuality
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