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The Autobiography of Russell
Life from a different perspective
Dreaming of a cuddle
Last night I had one of those dreams that feels really sweet when you're having it and for a short while after waking up but the longer you think about it the more it starts to turn sour.

The dream started off innocent enough with some chit-chat while getting ready for bed with a certain straight guy. Casual conversation and banter, nothing more. Once in bed things took an odd turn when he made some sort of connotation about being a poet and into poems which seemed to be the catalyst for 'accidentally' getting close. I froze and stared awkwardly as I felt him beside me and asked what that was supposed to mean, if that meant he was into guys. No, just poems and cuddling. I still have no idea how poems means cuddling but if some cute guy wanted to cuddle with me I wasn't going to say no. I said that was fine with me and if I got aroused it was just an automatic response but I wasn't going to try anything.

It was a nice feeling, just cuddling. There were some more strange occurrences with regard to how one sleeps (pajamas? underwear? nude?) and being potentially interrupted by someone walking in but even once I woke up it still felt very nice for a while.

But now as I think about it more and the specific person involved it just makes me sad and disappointed. I know it's not real and while this specific person is largely unknown to me it's still safe to say this is an improbable scenario. Oh well. Life goes on.
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mai_neh From: mai_neh Date: January 13th, 2015 02:44 pm (UTC) (Link)
Interesting to read of your dream and then your delayed reaction. Personally I think dreams are kind of random, but I also think we can take lessons from how we react to random stimuli, so there can be value in analyzing dreams. Similar to the value from Tarot cards or I Ching.

Dreams involving cuddling or sexual activity usually leave me feeling like I want to go back, but I can't, so then I feel unfulfilled. I wish I could control these dreams and stay with them, but instead the intensity of the touching typically wakes me, and then ... where did it go? Wakeful fantasizing just isn't the same. Trying to fuck my pillow just isn't the same.

When I was single I had a body pillow, I would snuggle on that stuffed cylinder all night long. I still keep a remnant of this now, I always sleep with what I call a "clutch pillow", a small decorative pillow that I can fold my arms around. But I can't snuggle with another human all night long, I can't fall asleep that way. I typically sleep by myself in my own bed. Just as the intensity of dream touch wakes me, the intensity of actual touch keeps me awake. I enjoy touch way too much ...
zimzat From: zimzat Date: January 13th, 2015 06:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
I spent most of yesterday sad and disappointed. It wasn't until later in the evening when I started to put a lot of focus into a single project did some of that feeling wane. I'm still a little sad this morning, like a feeling of loss, but I figure it'll get better as time goes on.

There was a time when I wanted to sleep because in sleep I had things I couldn't have in waking. That was a relatively brief period for me, thankfully. I usually dislike going to sleep because it means I can't do the things I can when awake and that I might miss something while sleeping. Most of the time I don't dream either.

I don't get enough touch in my life. Almost none, in fact. Their two year old child running up to me and grabbing my hand or hugging my leg is the closest I've had to casual touch outside of a relationship. Otherwise the world goes by and my sense of connection is almost non-existent.
lakeguy From: lakeguy Date: January 14th, 2015 12:11 am (UTC) (Link)
boo @ not being real
zimzat From: zimzat Date: January 15th, 2015 07:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
Aye, being a realist can sometimes feel like being more pessimistic than a pessimist. >_>
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